in the comments I will try to keep track of memories Hex has earned (I will edit them to flesh them out as needed, but for now I just need to keep track of what I got when)
Ford, in his 30s, and the triangular demon Bill Cipher are floating in a dreamlike space, surrounded by stars. Between them is a floating chess set, on which they're playing a game.
"Bill... can I call you Bill?" asks Ford.
"You can call me anything except late for dinner! Haha! That's a joke because I don't have a mouth!" quips Bill.
"Are you... real? Or just an isolation-induced hallucination? Should I finally do what my college guidance counselor always said and... 'seek therapy'?"
"Sure, take life advice from a guy who sleeps in his office at Backupsmore. Like most teachers, he was just intimidated by your talent and was trying to curb it to feel less insecure about his own failings!"
"My talent?"
"Ding, ding, ding! Guys as smart as you come along once every other century, and they scare the pants off of authority figures! Trust me, I've met 'em all! I see you on the cover of every magazine one day—but only if you make the right chess moves in the game of life, slick! Can I call you slick?"
"You can call me anything except late for dinner."
"Ha! You catch on quick! I think I'm starting to like you, Sixer!"
"I think I'm starting to like you, Bill!"
"By the way, that A- you got in 3rd grade? Totally unfair."
"OH my GOD, right??? Thank you! I maintain it was a—"
""Perfectly legitimate use of an Oxford comma!"" they say in unison, with emphasis.
"Jinx! WOW! Get out of my head!" Bill says playfully.
On the roof of a snowy cabin in the woods, a man who looks like Hex in his 30s is standing, upright but unconscious. He looks nearly blue from hypothermia. Icicles are stuck to his face. He's covered in bruises, scrapes, and even some bloodied wounds. He looks like shit. Smoke is coming from the chimney, and the cabin is vibrating faintly with the thumping of music.
Suddenly, the man startles awake, confused about where he is, shivering and processing this strange scene. Once the moment of shock has passed, he races down off the roof, running inside to the living room. There's a chess set and a cup of tea laid out on the coffee table, and Polaroid photos littered across the floor. An 8-track of "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics is playing. A fire is lit in the fireplace. The fridge magnets are arranged at the bottom of the fridge door to spell a message: LOOKY HERE. A post-it note with an arrow points down towards a VHS that is labeled: PLAY ME.
The man puts the tape in the VCR, and is stunned to see his own face staring back at him from the TV screen—kind of. The man on the VHS has yellow eyes, with pupils slitted like a cat's. But otherwise, it's the exact same man. He has a sock puppet on his hand that looks a little like Hex too, with fuzzy eyebrows, glasses, and a big round nose. He's standing in front of a curtain with stars and paper cut-outs that spell the words PUPPET HOUR.
"Welcome back to Puppet Hour with Bill!" says the man on the TV screen. "Say hi, kids! Today's puppet is my old pal Sixer. Sixer's had a rough day, but his night was even rougher. Wanna see?"
The video begins to play a montage of different scenes, starring this wild-eyed man. Going to a shady bar and provoking the patrons until they beat him up. Slapping a cop on his bare stomach. Standing on top of a cop car, shirtless, swinging his undershirt around wildly while hooting and hollering. Rolling down a hill with no concern for physical safety, still shirtless. Getting a tramp-stamp tattoo that says Flirty Gal xo, with a heart and a kiss-mark. Pouring a jar of live spiders in his mouth. Hammering a nail into his own hand.
Finally, he goes up to a pay phone and dials a number. "Hey, brother, it's Sixer," says the yellow-eyed man on the video. "I'm going to take a swim in the frozen lake tomorrow, and I might not ever come back, so if you don't hear from me, I just want you to know that it's because I never loved you. BUH-BYEEEEE." ...There's a dial tone, so it doesn't seem like the phone call went through.
The montage ends. The crazed man with the sock puppet faces the camera again. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Look what you made me make you do! Tomorrow's tape is gonna be much worse. Want the show to end? Go downstairs and turn on the portal. Or I'm gonna have to show you what I'm really capable of."
When the tape ends, the real man, the one watching the tape, rips the VHS out and throws it into the fire. He screams, "You have NO POWER HERE! You're just in my MIND! I can outlast anything you can—"
Suddenly, he starts wavering on his feet, sluggish. He stops talking. And then he collapses onto the floor, unconscious again.
Here, "Hex" looks in his early 30s. He and his lab assistant Fiddleford, a long-nosed man of the same age, are packed for a hiking and camping trip. The two of them make their way up a granite pass in the wooded mountains of the Pacific Northwest, headed towards a lake. "Hex" is much more physically fit than his assistant; Fiddleford has to make them stop at around midday, eating a sandwich and grumbling about needing to invent some robot legs. (He makes a sketch of the robot legs in the dirt with a stick.)
The crumbs of bread that fall from the sandwich attract a strange creature—a platypus with a red and black checkered pattern. "Hex" comments that he thought that the Plaidypus was just a legend of the lumberjacks, but apparently they're real, and they smell like maple syrup and bacon. "Hex" takes some sketches of the creature and its eggs for his journal.
After this break, they continue towards the lake. A waterfall falls into the lake, but it is otherwise tranquil. The lakeside scenery is calming and familiar to "Hex". They encounter a boulder on the shore that is shaped like a giant tooth. Upon investigation, they find evidence of nerve tissue on the root, and on the crown there are crushed mollusks, fish bones, and a broken wristwatch. Fiddleford uses a chisel to break free some pieces, and "Hex" speculates aloud: one of the islands in the lake is in a different location every morning. Could it be that the island is a living creature, and the tooth belongs to it? Maybe this serene mountain lake has a submerged Lovecraftian horror dwelling within! ("Hex" seems more excited about this idea than his assistant does.)
They proceed into a secret tunnel behind the waterfall; "Hex" explains that, from the cave paintings, he assumes this system of tunnels was created by the prehistoric native population. After hours of making their way through these tunnels, their lantern goes out. In an argument between "Hex" and Fiddleford, it becomes clear that "Hex" brought a Civil War-era antique lantern instead of modern flashlights, because he found the aesthetic more nostalgic. He didn't even bring matches to start it up again, and it's too dark to figure out alternatives.
The argument begins to heat up, when suddenly, they notice glowing eyes in the dark, from some living mineral... and then more, and more, and more glowing eyes. As they draw closer, their form becomes visible—they look like faintly glowing living geodes, clinking around on stubby crystal legs, making high-pitched chirping and humming sounds. "Hex" picks up one of these "Geodites," and it sings a baby-pitched song, summoning more Geodites to gather and dance. "Hex" suggests that they use these glowing creatures to light their path, but his assistant has a different idea. The lab assistant picks two of them up and bangs them together, creating a spark that lights their lantern again. The Geodites all shriek at the fire, and scamper back into the darkness; the one "Hex" was holding bites his finger and draws blood as it escapes.
Finally, they reach the top of the mountain and make camp for the night, eating some canned baked beans around a campfire. They stare up at the stars, observing the constellations. Their conversation drifts towards the future. Fiddleford says that once their project is complete and he moves back to California, he wants to become an independent inventor, patenting robotics to improve people's lives. After growing up in poverty in Tennessee, he wants to make enough money to own a nice place, with a screen door that isn't broken.
"Hex" dreams of proving his grand theory. He could finally leave Gravity Falls, return to the East Coast, and publish his findings for the world to see. He would be the toast of the scientific community! He would be rubbing elbows with prizewinners and presidents! He could debate politics with Reagan, and discuss turtleneck fashion tips with Carl Sagan. Imagine, he says, the look on the dean of West Coast Tech's face when he sees that the student he refused is now the next Einstein! Imagine how proud his own family and hometown will be when the "Freak" returns a hero!
Fiddleford is confused by the scope of this ambition. Hasn't "Hex" already discovered so many amazing things, and recorded them in his journals? Why does he even need a Grand Theory? Why not publish now, settle down, maybe meet someone and start a family?
"Hex" laughs at the thought. Romance is far more baffling to him than the greatest mysteries of the universe. More importantly, once Gravity Falls is revealed to the world as the hotspot of strange activity that it is, there would be a "Weirdness Rush" of scientists flocking to the town. If he doesn't prove his theory first, someone else would beat him to it, and his name would be lost to history. Maybe he isn't taking the easiest path, but he likes taking the path less traveled anyway. He confides in Fiddleford that he's grateful to at least be traveling this path with a friend.
A man who looks a lot like Hex in his 30s is busy with work in an underground, high-tech laboratory, poring over pages and pages of complex calculations. Another man—he looks the same age as "Hex" is in this memory, with a long nose and glasses—comes over to surprise him with a holiday gift. It's a snowglobe with a custom-made cabin inside, with glitter snow. It's clear from the conversation that this cabin is a replica of the building that hosts the lab they're in right now. "Hex" laughs at the idea that their secret hidden fortress might have "merchandise". There's a second present, too: a custom-knit pair of six-fingered gloves. "Hex" is floored by the thoughtfulness of the gift. It's hard to find things like this that fit his hands, and the weather is cold and snowy outside. These will be very nice to have.
"Hex" looks a little ashamed; he didn't even think of giving his lab partner anything in return. This lab partner (you can gather from the conversation that his name is Fiddleford) reassures him that he's happy just being part of scientific history, and only wants to be able to hold the Nobel Prize that "Hex" will win one day. Overwhelmed by emotion, "Hex" insists that they're going to take the weekend off. Maybe they could hunt a yeti for holiday sweater fur! They could even buy some kind of eggnog! But Fiddleford confesses that he's flying back home to visit his wife Emma-May. Of course, he has other people to be with for the holiday... Never mind. "Hex" will be by himself.
Several days pass with Ford working alone in the lab...
A loud bang goes off outside, so "Hex" goes to investigate. There are child-sized footprints in the snow, but after a certain point they just disappear. So "Hex" takes a lantern to go out further to look for these children. Within minutes the snow and cold intensify, forcing him into a cavern to avoid frostbite. When he turns around, though, he notices a second set of cloven footprints behind him. There is a jingle, and then "Hex" is knocked out.
When he wakes up, he's tied up in a large barrel with four children. They're all being carried on the back of a large bipedal monster with cloven hooves. "Hex" sighs. He says, "Kids, I'm going to tell it straight. No fairy tale that starts with free candy ever ends well for children. Especially German ones. Sorry, Hans. Follow my exact instructions if you want to live." He asks the monster what price they must pay for freedom.
The monster (the Krampus) says, "I will only release you if you tell me one piece of holiday cheer you brought another."
Instead of doing this, "Hex" snaps in anger. "God, folklore cryptids are always so moralistic. Literally, who are you to say how I should live my damn life? How are YOU judging me?! You're a naked goat vagrant who puts babies in barrels! You're lucky I don't have any grenades on me!"
The Krampus draws a glowing red pentagram in the snow, opening a portal to hell. But suddenly, out of nowhere... Fiddleford appears, knocking the Krampus out cold with a powerful strike from a banjo. Clang! Now freed, "Hex" hugs Fiddleford, who explains that he left home early. He'd gotten in a massive fight with his wife when she realized he'd forgotten to get her any Christmas presents. Whoops.
"Hex" suggests they kick the unconscious Krampus to feel better, like the kids are doing. But Fiddleford is shaking in devastation. Nothing about this holiday is turning out right for him, and he returns to the cabin, joyless...
So, later that night...
"Hex" calls Fiddleford down. There's an urgent update on the portal! But in reality, the "portal" (a giant, inverted metal triangle with a circular hole in the middle) has been decorated with Christmas lights and banners that read HAPPY HOLIDAYS. The song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" is playing.
Fiddleford smiles brightly, his mood lightened. Is "Hex" finally coming around on holidays, he asks? Or is this just to keep the Krampus from coming back?
"Hex" answers that it's time to drink nog until they can't remember what a Krampus is anymore.
A tiny gingerbread cookie. (It had two uses if you were careful, but Hex ate it all without rationing it.) Theme: something valuable or expensive. Received on Day 217 from the auction game.
The stolen gold chain and the Jersey Devil (Lost Legends).
Received from wed/bed/behead on Day 223. A ring box with a ring, with a stone that matches Hex's eyes (brown, so smoky quartz). You will relive the memory as long as you have it on, and anyone can put it on and see the same.
never have I ever, mini ouija boards, received Day 229.
These come in the form of miniature ouija boards (about the size of your hand) with tiny magnetized planchettes. If you drag the planchette around your board and pick out a word that's representative of something important to you, you'll trigger the memory.
These never stop working and are shareable with others, though anyone who wants to view them will need to trace out an important word of their own, not yours.
This is a montage memory of a place that doesn't have specific canon scenes to reference, just descriptions. I'm saying Ford is in his late 30s or 40s for this memory.
It's a gambling haven. Not just a city, not just a planet, but an entire Dimension devoted to gambling, titled Lottocron Nine. It's swarming with strange, alien creatures of all types. Gambling is not only legal here, but mandatory. Everything is left up to chance in this universe. Children learn to roll dice before they learn to walk! No one over the age of five goes anywhere without their lucky deck of cards! Your own soulmate is chosen by luck! Even food is only obtained from vending machines after winning at the slots.
The central authority of the dimension is a city-spaceship called Cynn City that lands on whatever planet wins the yearly lottery to host it. Laws are determined every week by government officials betting on their favorite laws to win which are represented by (alien) dogs at the racetrack.
Ford spends a decent amount of time here (a few months to a year, let's say), winning some and losing some. He finds the whole atmosphere depressing, but he needs materials to continue his journey—it's not specified in this vision what that journey is and what exactly he needs, but it's clear that Ford came here with next to no allies or resources, and this is his chance to win big and finally get more supplies for himself. He ends up with a very significant win when he earns an Infinity-Sided Die, illegal in much of the multiverse due to its ability to randomly manifest literally any result.
But in the end, he's not good at adhering to pure chance. He's good at counting cards, and tries to use that skill to give himself an edge. The bouncers kick him out for it, sending him off into another dimension entirely. The memory ends before it's revealed where he ends up after that.
a happy memory without much information, but establishing the twins as living in or near Port Manteau at the time. Maybe purchasing supplies for a fishing trip and then heading out on one.
Night of Reminiscence prize, Shore leave time day 253~sometime, end of the Mourning Cycle.
A brief memory of working at a small occult shop with a lot of crystals and Cirrus-style divination accessories. There is nothing overtly suspicious about it in this memory, but there's a certain feeling that something might be unspoken here... (And, if you're an insider to the Cirrus underground information network, it might be a known phenomenon to you that shops like these are front businesses for Cirrus Network operations.)
Hex is in his mid to late 20s here, going by the nom de plume "Jacob Millibar" at this time. He is dressed in black clothes and black gloves, and even wearing more goth makeup. He's committing to the aesthetic, and making it less obvious that he has six fingers by leaning into all black. (but like, this was a while ago, so think 80s/90s goth)
This memory covers some mundane transactions and recommendations for products, but at one point Hex Jacob does hand his coworker a slip of paper that has some inventory notes on it in his handwriting. She heads into a back room that he can see from the cashier's desk, but that the customers cannot see—out of the corner of his eye, he sees her take out a blacklight and reveal some additional text on the note, although it's too far away to read what that additional invisible text is. The coworker disappears into a basement storage room and doesn't reappear before the memory ends. Mysterious...
At another point a customer that completely doesn't fit the aesthetic of the clientele comes in, and asks if they sell any weather vanes. Instead of being confused and dismissive of the idea, Hex Jacob is pretty excited and attentive to the question and asks for some more information so they can follow up after checking inventory. This information is not handed over to anyone else who might go looking for the physical inventory, and the man just leaves the store. Mysterious x2..................
Night of Reminiscence prize, Shore leave time day 253~sometime, end of the Mourning Cycle.
Hex is about 12 years old, and a member of the Cloud Cadets. He's being given the opportunity to practice being a news broadcaster, and he is approaching it with extreme earnest energy and dedication, despite the interview question being simply, "What is your favorite local restaurant?" He is stopping people on the street in Port Manteau with a microphone, in full Cloud Cadet uniform, asking them this question and taking their answers very seriously, asking follow-up questions about their favorite dishes. There are other cadet children there with video cameras and so on.
Hex Parhelion is supposed to be his post-amnesia nom de plume, but here, very clearly, the young Hex says again and again (it's a scripted line he says with the same passion each time): "Hello, my name is Hex Parhelion and I'm an Altocumulus Rank Cloud Cadet! May I ask for a few minutes of your time for an interview project about your favorite parts of Port Manteau? Thank you in advance!" Mysterious...
At the end he goes to a little news desk at HQ to film his conclusion, which is just a fluff piece about how "Port Manteau has many diverse places to spend your time. In our next segment, my colleague will explore fun places where you can spend time on the weekends. Stay tuned!"
It's an elementary school level project, what can I say.
Night of Reminiscence prize, Shore leave time day 253~sometime, end of the Mourning Cycle.
Sometime around 30 years old, Hex (he's not named in this memory. he's probably going by a completely different nom de plume) is at a dinner theater watching his brother perform on stage. Looks like his brother is part of Siren's Melodies at this time! He's doing a show at a magician, but it's his first time and he's flubbing a lot of the tricks.
Hex goes to him after the show and gives him some advice: bro, you're a lot better at comedy and playfulness than mystique. Even as a magician, you can lean into the fun performative aspect! If you're bad at the tricks, make that part of your character! You can make it more of a comedy show where the whole bit is that you're trying to be a magician but the tricks are all obvious! Then audiences will be laughing with you instead of coughing awkwardly at you. He's sincere about his advice, but he's also trying hard in this moment to make sure his twin isn't too disheartened by this experience. He's new to the Arias, and it's going to be stressful at first, but he can make it! (Hex still has a Cirrus pin on his lapel, so all his advice is still that of an outsider to this new Family.)
(although technically it will be received before Memory 18, so maybe swap the numbers)
Shore leave time day 253~sometime, end of the Mourning Cycle. Night of Reminiscence.
"Participating in the celebration will get you 1 (one) Brand New Vision, the theme is "bonds" or something of your choosing as long as it's something meaningful. HOWEVER, to receive and "activate" this memory for yourself, somebody else needs to watch it first and tell you about it. Same logic as other bowl memories. Once you've talked about it, you will be able to experience it yourself by reading the paper it was written on. Instead of your own character's writing, the text on these appears to have been produced by an old, somewhat inaccurate, mechanical typewriter."
Ford steps out of the shattered interdimensional portal, dressed in concealing adventuring gear and carrying a large gun on his back. The basement lab is in shambles, but his Journal 1 is lying there on the ground. Ford goes over and picks it up, putting it in his coat pocket.
"What?! Who... is that?" asks a young boy (Dipper) who is crouched on the ground after being flung around by gravitational anomalies.
Stan sits up and readjusts his fez. "The author of the journals... my brother."
Ford removes the goggles and scarf that are obscuring his face.
"Is this the part where one of us faints?" asks Dipper's sister Mabel, dumbfounded.
"Hahaha! I am so on it, dude," says a young adult man unknown to Ford (Soos), who proceeds to faint. But it's temporary. He gets right back up, thankfully.
Now that the initial shock is over, Stan gets to his feet too, happy and excited. "Finally, after all these long years of waiting, you're actually here! Brother!"
Ford punches Stan in the face.
"Agh! Oh! Ow! What the heck was that for?!"
"This was an insanely risky move, restarting the portal! Didn't you read my warnings?!"
"Warnings shmarnings," says Stan, waving it off, and then crossing his arms, indignant. "How's about maybe a thanks for saving you from what appears to be, I dunno, some kinda sci-fi sideburn dimension?"
"Thank you? You really think I'm gonna thank you after what you did thirty years ago?!"
"What I did?! Why you ungrateful—"
Stan tries to punch Ford back, but Ford's reflexes are too fast. He maneuvers behind Stan, completely avoiding the hit. Stan lunges again, and the same thing happens again. Ford grabs Stan by the shoulders from behind, pulls back his arms, and pins them behind his back, immobilizing him.
"Don't expect me to go easy on you just because you're family!" protests Stan as Ford pushes him completely down onto the ground, still restraining him.
"Hey, hi," Mabel cuts in, waving her hand, "Mabel here. Quick question: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!"
Ford lets go of his brother, finally fully conscious of the audience. "Stan, you didn't tell me there were children down here. And some sort of large, hairless gopher?" Ford gestures towards Soos.
"Haha, I get that a lot," is the response from Soos.
"They're your family, Poindexter," Stan says, getting back to his feet. "Shermie's grandkids."
"I... I have a niece, and nephew?" Ford sounds touched, and kneels before Mabel to initiate a handshake. "Greetings! Do kids still say 'greetings?' I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time."
"Whoa, a six-fingered handshake. It's a full finger friendlier than normal!"
"Ha, I like this kid! She's weird!"
Dipper is too stunned to greet Ford properly. "I, I can't believe it. You're the author of the journals!!"
"You've read my journals?" Ford pulls Journal 1 back out to show it in demonstration, smiling.
"I, I haven't just read them, I've lived them! I've been waiting for so long to meet you, I don't know what to say, I have so many questions, I—" Dipper starts hyperventilating. "Ohhhh, I think I'm going to throw up." Mabel starts patting his back. "Hggkkk—no, false alarm. Hggkk—! Just gotta ride it out!"
Ford slips the journal back in a pocket. "Listen, there will be time for introductions later. But first—tell me, Stan. Are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?"
"No. Just us." Stan crosses his arms, looking unimpressed and defiant. "Also maybe the entire U.S. government."
by the way I didn't note this earlier, but the one and currently-only-one-planned default power regain is "overpowered scientific knowledge"
so he has the kind of bullshit OP science knowledge he does in canon, but it's still just knowledge, that would be within a human's grasp in his universe.
Memory 0
Received: on "arrival" in cabin on Day 203 (Flower Cycle)
Memory 1
Received: as marble, on Day 203 (Flower Cycle)
Transcription
"Bill... can I call you Bill?" asks Ford.
"You can call me anything except late for dinner! Haha! That's a joke because I don't have a mouth!" quips Bill.
"Are you... real? Or just an isolation-induced hallucination? Should I finally do what my college guidance counselor always said and... 'seek therapy'?"
"Sure, take life advice from a guy who sleeps in his office at Backupsmore. Like most teachers, he was just intimidated by your talent and was trying to curb it to feel less insecure about his own failings!"
"My talent?"
"Ding, ding, ding! Guys as smart as you come along once every other century, and they scare the pants off of authority figures! Trust me, I've met 'em all! I see you on the cover of every magazine one day—but only if you make the right chess moves in the game of life, slick! Can I call you slick?"
"You can call me anything except late for dinner."
"Ha! You catch on quick! I think I'm starting to like you, Sixer!"
"I think I'm starting to like you, Bill!"
"By the way, that A- you got in 3rd grade? Totally unfair."
"OH my GOD, right??? Thank you! I maintain it was a—"
""Perfectly legitimate use of an Oxford comma!"" they say in unison, with emphasis.
"Jinx! WOW! Get out of my head!" Bill says playfully.
"You first."
Memory 2
Received: as a plushie of a crab, on Day 210
*not taken yet (doesn't know about the plushies)
Transcription
Suddenly, the man startles awake, confused about where he is, shivering and processing this strange scene. Once the moment of shock has passed, he races down off the roof, running inside to the living room. There's a chess set and a cup of tea laid out on the coffee table, and Polaroid photos littered across the floor. An 8-track of "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics is playing. A fire is lit in the fireplace. The fridge magnets are arranged at the bottom of the fridge door to spell a message: LOOKY HERE. A post-it note with an arrow points down towards a VHS that is labeled: PLAY ME.
The man puts the tape in the VCR, and is stunned to see his own face staring back at him from the TV screen—kind of. The man on the VHS has yellow eyes, with pupils slitted like a cat's. But otherwise, it's the exact same man. He has a sock puppet on his hand that looks a little like Hex too, with fuzzy eyebrows, glasses, and a big round nose. He's standing in front of a curtain with stars and paper cut-outs that spell the words PUPPET HOUR.
"Welcome back to Puppet Hour with Bill!" says the man on the TV screen. "Say hi, kids! Today's puppet is my old pal Sixer. Sixer's had a rough day, but his night was even rougher. Wanna see?"
The video begins to play a montage of different scenes, starring this wild-eyed man. Going to a shady bar and provoking the patrons until they beat him up. Slapping a cop on his bare stomach. Standing on top of a cop car, shirtless, swinging his undershirt around wildly while hooting and hollering. Rolling down a hill with no concern for physical safety, still shirtless. Getting a tramp-stamp tattoo that says Flirty Gal xo, with a heart and a kiss-mark. Pouring a jar of live spiders in his mouth. Hammering a nail into his own hand.
Finally, he goes up to a pay phone and dials a number. "Hey, brother, it's Sixer," says the yellow-eyed man on the video. "I'm going to take a swim in the frozen lake tomorrow, and I might not ever come back, so if you don't hear from me, I just want you to know that it's because I never loved you. BUH-BYEEEEE." ...There's a dial tone, so it doesn't seem like the phone call went through.
The montage ends. The crazed man with the sock puppet faces the camera again. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Look what you made me make you do! Tomorrow's tape is gonna be much worse. Want the show to end? Go downstairs and turn on the portal. Or I'm gonna have to show you what I'm really capable of."
When the tape ends, the real man, the one watching the tape, rips the VHS out and throws it into the fire. He screams, "You have NO POWER HERE! You're just in my MIND! I can outlast anything you can—"
Suddenly, he starts wavering on his feet, sluggish. He stops talking. And then he collapses onto the floor, unconscious again.
Re: Memory 2
Memory 3
Received: as an edible star with the note "If you eat it, you'll remember something related to the stars or something bright." on Day 211
Transcription
The crumbs of bread that fall from the sandwich attract a strange creature—a platypus with a red and black checkered pattern. "Hex" comments that he thought that the Plaidypus was just a legend of the lumberjacks, but apparently they're real, and they smell like maple syrup and bacon. "Hex" takes some sketches of the creature and its eggs for his journal.
After this break, they continue towards the lake. A waterfall falls into the lake, but it is otherwise tranquil. The lakeside scenery is calming and familiar to "Hex". They encounter a boulder on the shore that is shaped like a giant tooth. Upon investigation, they find evidence of nerve tissue on the root, and on the crown there are crushed mollusks, fish bones, and a broken wristwatch. Fiddleford uses a chisel to break free some pieces, and "Hex" speculates aloud: one of the islands in the lake is in a different location every morning. Could it be that the island is a living creature, and the tooth belongs to it? Maybe this serene mountain lake has a submerged Lovecraftian horror dwelling within! ("Hex" seems more excited about this idea than his assistant does.)
They proceed into a secret tunnel behind the waterfall; "Hex" explains that, from the cave paintings, he assumes this system of tunnels was created by the prehistoric native population. After hours of making their way through these tunnels, their lantern goes out. In an argument between "Hex" and Fiddleford, it becomes clear that "Hex" brought a Civil War-era antique lantern instead of modern flashlights, because he found the aesthetic more nostalgic. He didn't even bring matches to start it up again, and it's too dark to figure out alternatives.
The argument begins to heat up, when suddenly, they notice glowing eyes in the dark, from some living mineral... and then more, and more, and more glowing eyes. As they draw closer, their form becomes visible—they look like faintly glowing living geodes, clinking around on stubby crystal legs, making high-pitched chirping and humming sounds. "Hex" picks up one of these "Geodites," and it sings a baby-pitched song, summoning more Geodites to gather and dance. "Hex" suggests that they use these glowing creatures to light their path, but his assistant has a different idea. The lab assistant picks two of them up and bangs them together, creating a spark that lights their lantern again. The Geodites all shriek at the fire, and scamper back into the darkness; the one "Hex" was holding bites his finger and draws blood as it escapes.
Finally, they reach the top of the mountain and make camp for the night, eating some canned baked beans around a campfire. They stare up at the stars, observing the constellations. Their conversation drifts towards the future. Fiddleford says that once their project is complete and he moves back to California, he wants to become an independent inventor, patenting robotics to improve people's lives. After growing up in poverty in Tennessee, he wants to make enough money to own a nice place, with a screen door that isn't broken.
"Hex" dreams of proving his grand theory. He could finally leave Gravity Falls, return to the East Coast, and publish his findings for the world to see. He would be the toast of the scientific community! He would be rubbing elbows with prizewinners and presidents! He could debate politics with Reagan, and discuss turtleneck fashion tips with Carl Sagan. Imagine, he says, the look on the dean of West Coast Tech's face when he sees that the student he refused is now the next Einstein! Imagine how proud his own family and hometown will be when the "Freak" returns a hero!
Fiddleford is confused by the scope of this ambition. Hasn't "Hex" already discovered so many amazing things, and recorded them in his journals? Why does he even need a Grand Theory? Why not publish now, settle down, maybe meet someone and start a family?
"Hex" laughs at the thought. Romance is far more baffling to him than the greatest mysteries of the universe. More importantly, once Gravity Falls is revealed to the world as the hotspot of strange activity that it is, there would be a "Weirdness Rush" of scientists flocking to the town. If he doesn't prove his theory first, someone else would beat him to it, and his name would be lost to history. Maybe he isn't taking the easiest path, but he likes taking the path less traveled anyway. He confides in Fiddleford that he's grateful to at least be traveling this path with a friend.
Memory 4
Received: as a snowglobe that you shake to view, with infinite uses and infinite ability to share with others, on Day 214
Transcription
"Hex" looks a little ashamed; he didn't even think of giving his lab partner anything in return. This lab partner (you can gather from the conversation that his name is Fiddleford) reassures him that he's happy just being part of scientific history, and only wants to be able to hold the Nobel Prize that "Hex" will win one day. Overwhelmed by emotion, "Hex" insists that they're going to take the weekend off. Maybe they could hunt a yeti for holiday sweater fur! They could even buy some kind of eggnog! But Fiddleford confesses that he's flying back home to visit his wife Emma-May. Of course, he has other people to be with for the holiday... Never mind. "Hex" will be by himself.
Several days pass with Ford working alone in the lab...
A loud bang goes off outside, so "Hex" goes to investigate. There are child-sized footprints in the snow, but after a certain point they just disappear. So "Hex" takes a lantern to go out further to look for these children. Within minutes the snow and cold intensify, forcing him into a cavern to avoid frostbite. When he turns around, though, he notices a second set of cloven footprints behind him. There is a jingle, and then "Hex" is knocked out.
When he wakes up, he's tied up in a large barrel with four children. They're all being carried on the back of a large bipedal monster with cloven hooves. "Hex" sighs. He says, "Kids, I'm going to tell it straight. No fairy tale that starts with free candy ever ends well for children. Especially German ones. Sorry, Hans. Follow my exact instructions if you want to live." He asks the monster what price they must pay for freedom.
The monster (the Krampus) says, "I will only release you if you tell me one piece of holiday cheer you brought another."
Instead of doing this, "Hex" snaps in anger. "God, folklore cryptids are always so moralistic. Literally, who are you to say how I should live my damn life? How are YOU judging me?! You're a naked goat vagrant who puts babies in barrels! You're lucky I don't have any grenades on me!"
The Krampus draws a glowing red pentagram in the snow, opening a portal to hell. But suddenly, out of nowhere... Fiddleford appears, knocking the Krampus out cold with a powerful strike from a banjo. Clang! Now freed, "Hex" hugs Fiddleford, who explains that he left home early. He'd gotten in a massive fight with his wife when she realized he'd forgotten to get her any Christmas presents. Whoops.
"Hex" suggests they kick the unconscious Krampus to feel better, like the kids are doing. But Fiddleford is shaking in devastation. Nothing about this holiday is turning out right for him, and he returns to the cabin, joyless...
So, later that night...
"Hex" calls Fiddleford down. There's an urgent update on the portal! But in reality, the "portal" (a giant, inverted metal triangle with a circular hole in the middle) has been decorated with Christmas lights and banners that read HAPPY HOLIDAYS. The song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" is playing.
Fiddleford smiles brightly, his mood lightened. Is "Hex" finally coming around on holidays, he asks? Or is this just to keep the Krampus from coming back?
"Hex" answers that it's time to drink nog until they can't remember what a Krampus is anymore.
Memory 5
The stolen gold chain and the Jersey Devil (Lost Legends).
Memory 6
received as: A single, soft white feather, blow on it to receive a memory (you know this instinctively). Only one use. from day 221
Memory 7
Received from wed/bed/behead on Day 223. A ring box with a ring, with a stone that matches Hex's eyes (brown, so smoky quartz). You will relive the memory as long as you have it on, and anyone can put it on and see the same.
Video
Memory 8
visiting the traveling carnival, Journal 3
Memory 9
These come in the form of miniature ouija boards (about the size of your hand) with tiny magnetized planchettes. If you drag the planchette around your board and pick out a word that's representative of something important to you, you'll trigger the memory.
These never stop working and are shareable with others, though anyone who wants to view them will need to trace out an important word of their own, not yours.
Dan's incredibly haunted cabin (also journal 3)
Memory 10
Neutral/apathy theme. A teddy bear with a button that you can push. There are 3 uses. (I THINK THIS INFO IS ONLY IN DISCORD, CANNOT FIND IN THE COMM)
Reading a book during boxing lessons
Memory 11
An email will come at the end of the day, and opening it will make the memory play. You can share the memory by forwarding it on.
3 people - the spirits are upset. You will suffer misfortune in money or romance. (embarrassing memory)
kissing robot (from the Land Before Swine dvd audio commentary, good luck writing this one up)
Memory 12
Stan is kicked out of the house.
Memory 13
probably "where does that portal really lead?"
Memory 14
"confessions" or "lies" - the biggest regret of my life (confrontation and resolution with Dipper)
Memory 15
"fire" or "misfortune" or something else.
falling into the nightmare realm and taking shelter with refugees
Memory 16
A pair of dice! You must roll a 12 to access your memory. If you don't, you gotta keep trying. Over and over and over...
Lottocron 9 Montage (theme: anything involving playing games or dressing fancy!)
Summary
It's a gambling haven. Not just a city, not just a planet, but an entire Dimension devoted to gambling, titled Lottocron Nine. It's swarming with strange, alien creatures of all types. Gambling is not only legal here, but mandatory. Everything is left up to chance in this universe. Children learn to roll dice before they learn to walk! No one over the age of five goes anywhere without their lucky deck of cards! Your own soulmate is chosen by luck! Even food is only obtained from vending machines after winning at the slots.
The central authority of the dimension is a city-spaceship called Cynn City that lands on whatever planet wins the yearly lottery to host it. Laws are determined every week by government officials betting on their favorite laws to win which are represented by (alien) dogs at the racetrack.
Ford spends a decent amount of time here (a few months to a year, let's say), winning some and losing some. He finds the whole atmosphere depressing, but he needs materials to continue his journey—it's not specified in this vision what that journey is and what exactly he needs, but it's clear that Ford came here with next to no allies or resources, and this is his chance to win big and finally get more supplies for himself. He ends up with a very significant win when he earns an Infinity-Sided Die, illegal in much of the multiverse due to its ability to randomly manifest literally any result.
But in the end, he's not good at adhering to pure chance. He's good at counting cards, and tries to use that skill to give himself an edge. The bouncers kick him out for it, sending him off into another dimension entirely. The memory ends before it's revealed where he ends up after that.
Memory 17
Probably Shifty (montage?)
Memory 18
humanity or memories
(INTERNAL TORTURE SEQUENCE THAT WAS CUT OUT OF THE PUPPET HOUR MEMORY POTENTIALLY? I keep forgetting he didn't have that part of it
OR talking backstories with bill I can't decide)
"they’ll be lil potion bobbles, lets say 2-3 gulps but if ur suuuuuper careful, 1 more is doable (aka enough of important cr can see is fine)"
Estoria Memory 1
a happy memory without much information, but establishing the twins as living in or near Port Manteau at the time. Maybe purchasing supplies for a fishing trip and then heading out on one.
Estoria Memory 2
A brief memory of working at a small occult shop with a lot of crystals and Cirrus-style divination accessories. There is nothing overtly suspicious about it in this memory, but there's a certain feeling that something might be unspoken here... (And, if you're an insider to the Cirrus underground information network, it might be a known phenomenon to you that shops like these are front businesses for Cirrus Network operations.)
Hex is in his mid to late 20s here, going by the nom de plume "Jacob Millibar" at this time. He is dressed in black clothes and black gloves, and even wearing more goth makeup. He's committing to the aesthetic, and making it less obvious that he has six fingers by leaning into all black. (but like, this was a while ago, so think 80s/90s goth)
This memory covers some mundane transactions and recommendations for products, but at one point
HexJacob does hand his coworker a slip of paper that has some inventory notes on it in his handwriting. She heads into a back room that he can see from the cashier's desk, but that the customers cannot see—out of the corner of his eye, he sees her take out a blacklight and reveal some additional text on the note, although it's too far away to read what that additional invisible text is. The coworker disappears into a basement storage room and doesn't reappear before the memory ends. Mysterious...At another point a customer that completely doesn't fit the aesthetic of the clientele comes in, and asks if they sell any weather vanes. Instead of being confused and dismissive of the idea,
HexJacob is pretty excited and attentive to the question and asks for some more information so they can follow up after checking inventory. This information is not handed over to anyone else who might go looking for the physical inventory, and the man just leaves the store. Mysterious x2..................Estoria Memory 3
Hex is about 12 years old, and a member of the Cloud Cadets. He's being given the opportunity to practice being a news broadcaster, and he is approaching it with extreme earnest energy and dedication, despite the interview question being simply, "What is your favorite local restaurant?" He is stopping people on the street in Port Manteau with a microphone, in full Cloud Cadet uniform, asking them this question and taking their answers very seriously, asking follow-up questions about their favorite dishes. There are other cadet children there with video cameras and so on.
Hex Parhelion is supposed to be his post-amnesia nom de plume, but here, very clearly, the young Hex says again and again (it's a scripted line he says with the same passion each time): "Hello, my name is Hex Parhelion and I'm an Altocumulus Rank Cloud Cadet! May I ask for a few minutes of your time for an interview project about your favorite parts of Port Manteau? Thank you in advance!" Mysterious...
At the end he goes to a little news desk at HQ to film his conclusion, which is just a fluff piece about how "Port Manteau has many diverse places to spend your time. In our next segment, my colleague will explore fun places where you can spend time on the weekends. Stay tuned!"
It's an elementary school level project, what can I say.
Estoria Memory 4
Sometime around 30 years old, Hex (he's not named in this memory. he's probably going by a completely different nom de plume) is at a dinner theater watching his brother perform on stage. Looks like his brother is part of Siren's Melodies at this time! He's doing a show at a magician, but it's his first time and he's flubbing a lot of the tricks.
Hex goes to him after the show and gives him some advice: bro, you're a lot better at comedy and playfulness than mystique. Even as a magician, you can lean into the fun performative aspect! If you're bad at the tricks, make that part of your character! You can make it more of a comedy show where the whole bit is that you're trying to be a magician but the tricks are all obvious! Then audiences will be laughing with you instead of coughing awkwardly at you. He's sincere about his advice, but he's also trying hard in this moment to make sure his twin isn't too disheartened by this experience. He's new to the Arias, and it's going to be stressful at first, but he can make it! (Hex still has a Cirrus pin on his lapel, so all his advice is still that of an outsider to this new Family.)
Memory 19
Shore leave time day 253~sometime, end of the Mourning Cycle. Night of Reminiscence.
"Participating in the celebration will get you 1 (one) Brand New Vision, the theme is "bonds" or something of your choosing as long as it's something meaningful. HOWEVER, to receive and "activate" this memory for yourself, somebody else needs to watch it first and tell you about it. Same logic as other bowl memories. Once you've talked about it, you will be able to experience it yourself by reading the paper it was written on. Instead of your own character's writing, the text on these appears to have been produced by an old, somewhat inaccurate, mechanical typewriter."
Exiting the portal.
Transcription
"What?! Who... is that?" asks a young boy (Dipper) who is crouched on the ground after being flung around by gravitational anomalies.
Stan sits up and readjusts his fez. "The author of the journals... my brother."
Ford removes the goggles and scarf that are obscuring his face.
"Is this the part where one of us faints?" asks Dipper's sister Mabel, dumbfounded.
"Hahaha! I am so on it, dude," says a young adult man unknown to Ford (Soos), who proceeds to faint. But it's temporary. He gets right back up, thankfully.
Now that the initial shock is over, Stan gets to his feet too, happy and excited. "Finally, after all these long years of waiting, you're actually here! Brother!"
Ford punches Stan in the face.
"Agh! Oh! Ow! What the heck was that for?!"
"This was an insanely risky move, restarting the portal! Didn't you read my warnings?!"
"Warnings shmarnings," says Stan, waving it off, and then crossing his arms, indignant. "How's about maybe a thanks for saving you from what appears to be, I dunno, some kinda sci-fi sideburn dimension?"
"Thank you? You really think I'm gonna thank you after what you did thirty years ago?!"
"What I did?! Why you ungrateful—"
Stan tries to punch Ford back, but Ford's reflexes are too fast. He maneuvers behind Stan, completely avoiding the hit. Stan lunges again, and the same thing happens again. Ford grabs Stan by the shoulders from behind, pulls back his arms, and pins them behind his back, immobilizing him.
"Don't expect me to go easy on you just because you're family!" protests Stan as Ford pushes him completely down onto the ground, still restraining him.
"Hey, hi," Mabel cuts in, waving her hand, "Mabel here. Quick question: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!"
Ford lets go of his brother, finally fully conscious of the audience. "Stan, you didn't tell me there were children down here. And some sort of large, hairless gopher?" Ford gestures towards Soos.
"Haha, I get that a lot," is the response from Soos.
"They're your family, Poindexter," Stan says, getting back to his feet. "Shermie's grandkids."
"I... I have a niece, and nephew?" Ford sounds touched, and kneels before Mabel to initiate a handshake. "Greetings! Do kids still say 'greetings?' I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time."
"Whoa, a six-fingered handshake. It's a full finger friendlier than normal!"
"Ha, I like this kid! She's weird!"
Dipper is too stunned to greet Ford properly. "I, I can't believe it. You're the author of the journals!!"
"You've read my journals?" Ford pulls Journal 1 back out to show it in demonstration, smiling.
"I, I haven't just read them, I've lived them! I've been waiting for so long to meet you, I don't know what to say, I have so many questions, I—" Dipper starts hyperventilating. "Ohhhh, I think I'm going to throw up." Mabel starts patting his back. "Hggkkk—no, false alarm. Hggkk—! Just gotta ride it out!"
Ford slips the journal back in a pocket. "Listen, there will be time for introductions later. But first—tell me, Stan. Are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?"
"No. Just us." Stan crosses his arms, looking unimpressed and defiant. "Also maybe the entire U.S. government."
"The what?!"
Ominously, the vision ends there.
Memory 20
Memory 21
Bubble guns. CHAOS! I'll figure out what this memory is later too
Memory 22
one day i'll catch up in memories. problems could be anything
Memory 23
like... it basically has to be karaoke night, right
Power 1
so he has the kind of bullshit OP science knowledge he does in canon, but it's still just knowledge, that would be within a human's grasp in his universe.